Wednesday, September 14, 2005

"Kosher" Clock & "Kosher" Lamp-A Must for Every Jewish Household-Don't Leave Shul Without One

What makes a clock Kosher??
Well, does your regular alarm clock stay on for an hour?
Is that why you don?t use it on Shabbos?

Have you tried to use a watch alarm, or Palm alarm but it?s not loud enough?

Wouldn?t you like to have a snooze alarm on Shabbos?

Do you take a nap on Shabbos afternoon and need
to ask someone to wake you for your chavrusah or for mincha?
Do you know a teenager who needs help getting up for minyan on Shabbos?

Now you can take care of all these challenges with KosherClockTM

KosherClock has 5 alarms that can be pre-set on Friday for Shabbos.

Set the first alarm to go off at 8:00am.
Set the second alarm for 8:15am.
Each alarm will ring for one minute
and then shut itself off automatically.

No need to touch your KosherClock.
The effect will be just like a snooze alarm.

And to make sure you don?t accidentally touch
any of the buttons when you are still half asleep,
KosherClock has a special hard flip cover as a ?heker.?

Perhaps you?ll set the third alarm for 9:00am for your wife.

The fourth alarm can be set at 4:00 pm to
wake you for your afternoon chavrusah.

And if you tend to get carried away with your learning, set the fifth alarm to warn you that it?s time to walk to Shul for mincha.

On Shabbat you can use the standard "beep-beep" alarm.

On weekdays you can select which sound you?d like to be woken by with KosherClock.
Choose the standard ?beep ? beep?
or use the pre-recorded melody.

My favorite part of KosherClock is the
ability to record any 10 second sound for the alarm.

Imagine waking up to the sweet voice of grandchild saying,
?Wake up Zaydie, time for minyan!?

or a daughter saying, ?Wake up Ima, Good Morning, time for school!?

or your son saying, “Don't forget to count the Omer, Abba!”

And there?s a place to put your favorite photo of the child who?s speaking.

What a fabulous gift idea, for
Bar Mitzvah, Graduation, Birthday or
especially for Grandparents living in another town.

And all this for only $19.95
Including tax and shipping anywhere in North America! For yourself or to be delivered as a gift.

For $29.95 we will ship anywhere in the world.

And best of all, as one of our subscribers, we?re offering
you a 5% discount before we announce KosherClock to the public.

Order now. Please note there?s a limit of two per customer and your discount coupon is valid for one week only.

(note: Your discount will appear only when you check out)

(note: Your discount will appear only when you check out)

Hurry because we?ve only received a small quantity in our first shipment.

With warm wishes for a Shana Tovah,

P.S. Almost 40% of the days of Tishrei are KosherLamp and KosherClock days (Shabbos or Yom Tov) I?m sure you appreciate
KosherLamp more than ever. Why not order another one for yourself,

This is part of an e-mail solicitation I received.
The marketing of the word "kosher" is pathetic.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

Wednesday, September 14, 2005 6:48:00 PM  
Anonymous Farshtoonkena Yid said...

sorry guys, I've been really busy lately. got to make a living you know...no time to compose poetry, too busy handling Jewish divorce issues in court (not my own...I am happily married).

I hope to return shortly.

I would like to report on some of the shenanigans in Monsey. there is some real sleaze at work in this part of the country. And, of course, I would like to contribute some more high brow poetry.
Let's not forget the "Boro Park Waiter", "The Rabbi and the Ladies" and the "Ba'al Tshuva Blues"

I will leave you with this thought:

While not exocally,
is within an inach
of being spinach.

Farshtoonkena Yid

Wednesday, September 14, 2005 6:53:00 PM  
Blogger Shlomo said...

Imagine waking up to the sweet voice of grandchild saying,
?Wake up Zaydie, time for minyan!?
If you have the grandchild who needs the clock! I agree absolutely ridiculous. In the words of the great Rodney King. "Can't we all just get along?!?!?!?!?!?!

Wednesday, September 14, 2005 7:49:00 PM  
Blogger Un-Orthodox Jew said...

Shlomo and UOJ agree on something?????
Truly Moshiach Tzeiten!!(The Messiah era has come-loosely translated)
Oh Yes! Of course we agree, we're the same person!!!!

Wednesday, September 14, 2005 7:56:00 PM  
Blogger Tex said...

I hate to say this, but this is a ridiculous item. I think I need someone to explain to me why you just cannot press the snooze button on the alarm clock and be done with it.

Wednesday, September 14, 2005 11:29:00 PM  
Blogger Un-Orthodox Jew said...

Hi Tex,
Great question. I will try to be brief.
The Torah(Old Testament) prohibits any kind of "work" on the Sabbath.

According to the Oral Law, that is the Talmud and it's commentators, have ruled that creating a "fire", or in modern day terms,using electricity, constitutes "work" and is therefore forbidden.

Orthodox Jews abide by the Shulchan Aruch, or the Code Of Jewish Law, that clearly delineates what is permissable to do.

Feel free to ask for further clarification if need be.

Wednesday, September 14, 2005 11:46:00 PM  
Anonymous Jewboy said...

i want to know who said this is kosher.kosher for what.a clock or a lamp can't be kosher.this is so crazy i cant believe this.did anyone else get this in their email?

Thursday, September 15, 2005 12:31:00 AM  
Blogger Acher said...

Just when you think youv heard it all, along comes another chatchke for the pious ones. Gosh this is exactly what Ive been saying Tehillim for the past few years.

What next? A challah dispenser that automatically dispenses a sliced challah during shabbat for every 6 hours so nobody goes out like Dathan and Aviran on Shabbat accidentally to look for a slice of bread and find none?

If Mashiach does anything for the Am aside from Geula and Bais Hamikdsah it will be to put alot of insane Rabbis and Jews out of business

Thursday, September 15, 2005 2:20:00 AM  
Anonymous Farshtoonkena Yid said...

hey go easy on this one guys. everyone has a right to invent something and try to sell it. i actually admire the thought that went into this. It's a lot more admirable than collecting food stamps and section 8 housing for a living....

Thursday, September 15, 2005 8:59:00 AM  
Anonymous itzik said...

The next thing is the kosher tuchis licker.the local rebbe goes door to door after lunch on shabbes, and does his job without the chance of the tissue paper tearing.
next comes the rebbetzin of the neighborhood who is on call to go to the mikva for any lady thats too tired.shlucha shel adam kimoso.....

Thursday, September 15, 2005 10:34:00 AM  
Anonymous yankel said...

farshttonkan-please lets get a good poem

Thursday, September 15, 2005 10:39:00 AM  
Anonymous yaakov said...


I believe that the prohibition of using electricity on shabbos is because of nolad.
This as I understand, is taken from responsa of the Chazzon Ish zt"l.
Otherwise why not turn on a flourescent bulb on shabbos? There is no fire to speak of. (From a technological standpoint.)

Monday, September 19, 2005 12:10:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

binyan, completing a circuit.

i think the clock is a swell idea.

i want more than two.

can we get a blog discount?

Thursday, October 06, 2005 12:15:00 PM  

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