Saturday, October 08, 2005

Charedi Women Get To Be On Top

Charedi women get green light to bike

Chief of Bnei Brak traffic police says women are now allowed to ride motorbikes while respecting Charedi values.This heter came from the Moetzes Gedolei Haputzim just in time for Yom K' "Purim".

Bnei Brak- After a quarter of a century of being denied the pleasure of riding a motorbike, Charedi women appear to have been given the green light to straddle a two-wheeler and cruise away solo.Finally, a KOSHER way for women to receive much needed attention to their physical needs.

Most of the married Charedi women were quoted as saying, "Finally after centuries, we have something between our legs that actually moves!"

"It is not an offence for women to ride motorbikes and they can apply, just like men, for a driving license and ride while respecting Charedi values," Moshe Laitzunos, the chief of Charedi traffic police, was quoted as saying by the Yated Sheker daily.

Pinky LipShits, the editor, would not publish this news until it was formally approved by the majority of the Alzheimers Bais Din.This did create some complications because ALL the rabbis on the Bais Din did not remember they were on the Bais Din.

Going solo on a motorcycle has been off limits since the 1979 "Mikve" revolution given that wind resistance encountered by the rider could negate the efficiency of a Charedi dress code designed to hide bodily curves. So why couldn't/didn't the Ayatollah Elyashiv Cockamaime issue a fatwa that women are permitted only to ride bikes in the direction of the wind??
How come NO KOL KOREH and NO Tehillim gathering?
Why NO full page ad in the toilet paper of record, the Yated?

Charedi women are not allowed to drive cars; riding bicycles has been tolerated provided they ride their bikes in Syria. Since the 1990's women are also allowed to ride pillion on a motorbike in Iraq. True,some poskim allow them to drive cars, but only from the back seat, so the accident rate across Bnei Brak has been excessive.

The latest sign of further change, however, could prove to be a false alarm.

In 2002, thousands of women lined up for free motorcycle lessons offered by a manufacturer, but the classes were quickly called off due to apparent opposition from rabbinical authorities. Hey, can you blame the dames for crowding like that? Simple math: straddle a vibrating motorcycle engine for free vs. paying for a Halacha-approved dildo. (Assuming they could find one!)

P.S.- Late breaking news; the OU, the KAJ, the OK are sending their rebbetzins' out to test this vibrating bike.We may get hechsherim just in time for Simchas Torah.
As the men are jumping with the Torah, the women on the other side of the mechitza are HUMPING their bikes.

I parodied this correspondence from an e-mail I received and added much "wisdom" of my own.
I changed some names and words(Iran,Koran...)just to piss off ALL fundamentalists,especially the Jews.
Everyone I see and talk to is so tzetumult and depressed, I figured a good laugh could be healing! Remember the "Unorthodox Jew" gets to do whatever he wants, whenever he wants.


Anonymous daat y said...

of course all within UOJ halachic guidelines.

Saturday, October 08, 2005 7:54:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

oy. from gay to just as bad.

Saturday, October 08, 2005 8:06:00 PM  
Blogger milfcritic said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

Sunday, October 09, 2005 9:04:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nothing better to do before yom kippur than"piss off the fundamentalists?" JERUSALEM JEW

Sunday, October 09, 2005 9:57:00 AM  
Anonymous aaron said...

LOL, you are a pisser UOJ.The best laugh I had in years.

Sunday, October 09, 2005 10:38:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good question, jj, but uoj had to prove his heterosexuality lest he be accused of being gay.

Erev Yom Kippur is a time of introspection for all, but a kosher dildo does sound like a good idea.

Sunday, October 09, 2005 2:35:00 PM  
Blogger Tom Naka said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

Sunday, October 09, 2005 6:04:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Something to think about on Thursday.

Sunday, October 09, 2005 9:21:00 PM  
Blogger Tom Naka said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

Sunday, October 09, 2005 9:25:00 PM  
Anonymous juju said...

Super Funny Shit.

Sunday, October 09, 2005 10:45:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

Monday, October 10, 2005 12:48:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


Monday, October 10, 2005 3:39:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

cut and paste above link to be further sickened by the Lakewood sickos.

When will it end? When will people stop falling for their sh**?

Monday, October 10, 2005 3:41:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

when everyone else stops being an apikores.

Monday, October 10, 2005 9:22:00 AM  

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